Yes. That’s right. With screwing around, I haven’t screwed anybody but myself.

I have to keep a tight hook on myself. I have to do it. At least until May. Once I get my fine paid, then I’ll be fine. Hah. Right. Then I can get another job, at least.

That’s the number one thing I hate about being a single mother. There is nobody else to take care of my little one when I am sick. And believe me, I am fucking sick. They said I have bronchitis. It hurts so bad I can’t even swallow, can’t breathe, can’t talk. And this is when the spawn insists on arguing with me about everything. Whining about everything. “No mommy I don’t want to”, “No mommy I don’t want this one” … God. But then thinking about it, even if FOB was in the picture? Like he’d fucking help anyway.

I need some rest, I’m so weak and dizzy feeling. I can’t even stand straight. I have the prescriptions, but no money to get them right now. Ain’t that great?

At least.. on a good note.. we’re getting our Sundays back April 13th. Thank god for OT. I could really use it.

God I am beat.

So lately, things haven’t been so bad. I’m just ignoring the drama. (And it’s ALL around!) It’s just really not worth it. Ohhhh wow, you saw me arguing with the boss? And? That doesn’t mean it’s your business what happened. Haha, and the crazy lady said she thinks I go to work drunk. Shit, I wish I went to work drunk! It’d be more fun that way.

Zach is doing awesome with the potty training. Really. I’m soooo proud of him. He’s so smart and he’s sooo fuckin’ cute. And *I* am responsible for that!!! I love it.

Things with Dude are blossoming well. He’s in it for the long haul. Tomorrow night is just me and him and I can’t wait. I miss him. It’s crazy.. he still gives me butterflies. And I love it! I think I love him… Just don’t let him know.

So.. I haven’t had any sleep in over 24 hours now. And counting. About 29-30 now, actually. I’m going to bed soon. But anyhow.. today we took Kaitie to get her cast changed. She was awesome! She didn’t even cry. Then we stopped at Wendys for the kiddies. Then had to rush home. Yeah, that sucked. Got home around 3:15 (late!!) and then I had to run back down to the store b/c we didn’t get a chance to stop there and Sarah’s father had to be to work. Then it started snowing. Ruined my plans for tonight. I was looking forward to Siamsa!!! Dammit. I even got a new outfit. But we have to rescheduele. I can’t wait.

So I’m sorry this is choppy and not making sense. I’m tired.

ALSO.. The other day I was talking to Sarah about mudslide (the drink). And I told her “c’mon, get drunk! I like to get drunk.” … Zach says “I like drunk too, mommy.” and turns to Sarah and says “Sah, I drunk too.”

HAHAHAHAA!! Things NOT to say in front of a parrot.. I mean toddler.

If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Or maybe we just weren’t friends to begin with? Apparently, when shit comes up that has nothing to do with me and YOU INSERT MY NAME.. then I guess that would mean, no we are no longer friends.

You talk about highschool bullshit.. well, I’ve never dealt with so much shit at work until I met you, let me tell you.

And now you’re writing blogs about shit assuming it’s me? Go for it, keep doing it, I don’t care.

But when you bring my son into shit at work.. that’s just low. That’s some low-life shit, seriously.

And I REFUSE to deal with it.

REALLY!! Haha.

So at my job, they go through supervisors like crazy. Except for “Steve.” Steve has been there for years now. Steve is the “head” supervisor.. like, the leader one. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Apparently Steve has been having an affair (oh yes, married too!) with a worker. He got caught. He got fired. And THEN the girl has pictures on her cell phone of him and her.. and is emailing them to Steve’s wife. Haha.

Can you imagine how this would look on a resume?? I guess he really did lose his job for some good head! At least, I hope it was good.

So it seems it doesn’t matter what I do.. tell the truth or lie. Either way, it pisses her off. I left work early last night.. boss was sending people home. I was talking to Dude on texting and he suggested I come over.. so I did. I stayed the night with him. It was nice being there without K being there and being able to watch tv without it being turned off to hear guitar playing. Seriously, was great. I love being with him. My mom got mad because I didn’t come home to Zach. Well he was sleeping so I don’t see a problem. She’s mad. I guess she’ll get over it.

On another note.. I have to pay $245 for my fines and costs. That’s crazy. I can do it though.. I have 4 more checks coming this month. I’m going to try to get it done asap though. I also have to get my GED. I wanted to get it for a while now, I just need to actually go about doing it.

So Sah has an idea about Valentines Day. She wants us (her and hubby, me and C) to get a villa for 2 nights. I have to talk to him about it.. and it has to be 2 nights I have off of work. Probably would end up being on a weekend. And maybe we could get sitters for one night, but then have the kids there for the other night. I’m not sure about all of it.. but it sounds like a pretty good idea. And her father gets a discount cause he works there.. so that works out for us.

Things with Tas aren’t going so bad. We’ve been getting along for the most part lately. That’s all for the better.

I’m not sure what I want to do. I have 3 options.
Option 1: Sah and me were supposed to get a place. And that does seem like a good idea, honestly. However, P may come along.. and I really don’t know how well that would go over. I don’t want to waste time having to defend myself, or my son, or get into stupid petty little fights.
Option number two is Anna. She asked me if I’d be interested in moving in with her… into a 4 bedroom (plus a loft) house.. with a hot tub. 900 a month. Not bad AT ALL. But I don’t know how we would be as roommates. And plus it’d be farther for C to come and go to work and all that. I’m trying to take him into consideration too.
Option 3: There are apartments in WH that are 2bedrooms for $550 a month. I could do that MYSELF. I could just get a car and Ashley said she’d babysit. This is the option I’m leaning more towards. I’m trying to pursuade Sah into this too.. we could be neighbors. It might be better for both of us to have our OWN places. And then I wouldn’t have to worry about arguing with anyone, or privacy with C. I can do as I please in my own place. I’m really, really thinking of going with this option.
I just hope not to piss anyone off. I don’t want to hurt feelings, don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I think it’s really all for the better if we all just have our own places.

..7 Days Til Christmas!

So here’s the plan for Christmas, starting today:

• Tuesday 12/18
  Work tonight
• Wednesday 12/19 
  Work tonight
• Thursday 12/20
  Get paid…
  Zach’s layaway off!
  Legal crap to take care of
  Go out with Sarah
  Get ONE last present (for Dude), get wrapping paper
  Go see Carmella
  C comes over after work…
  Decorate tree
• Friday 12/21
  Getting Zach’s pictures done
  Going to C’s house to spend the night
• Saturday 12/22
  Come home
  Work tonight!
• Sunday 12/23
  Work tonight!! (Last night before vacation!!!!)
• Monday 12/24
  C is picking me up from work.. woohoo!!!
  Coming home & hanging out
  Sarah’s coming over… Exchanging presents
  -Eve-(after bedtime)
  Wrapping presents!!!
  Watching The Christmas Shoes
  C gets part of his present.. haha
• Tuesday 12/25
  CHRISTMAS!!!!! Wooohoooooooo!!!
  Open presents
  Have breakfast
  Go see Nevaeh … C will meet her
  Come back home and watch Christmas movies all day!!

WOOOHOOOO!! One week. I can’t wait!!! And yes.. still falling.. head over heels for The Dude!!!

R.I.P. DADDY!!!
8/22/50 – 12/18-03
I MISS YOU!!

An outburst from me!!

Seriously. Tune in before you miss it. Because if I have to hear her comparing what *I* do in MY house with C vs. what she can do with him… I really will be flipping the fuck out! I can’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter what I do. It is my house! You are just staying here and supposed to be saving up for a place of your own! That’s the point, right? God really I really can’t take it anymore.

If your man comes in my house at 6am after we get off work and wakes my son up.. I will stab him.
This is not a threat. It is a promise.
Just keep one thing in mind. I really am crazy.
Especially when I have had no sleep.
Don’t believe me? Try it.
I beg you.

Other than that… other things are good. I have until the week before Christmas to get Zach’s layaway off. I’m excited for Christmas. I can’t wait. I’m probably more excited than Zach is.

Tonight C is coming over. We may go out. May not. Not quite sure yet. We were going to go to a pub and hang out and get something to eat but we may just bring everything over here and curl up and watch a movie. He wants me to go and meet his friend and hang out there… not sure about that. We’ll see I guess. I’ll let everyone know. That’s for sure!!!

Anyhow.. must go amuse the spawn now. And figure out when the hell C is coming over since I have no minutes to text so he’s supposed to call when he’s coming over. I hate waiting. Blah.

So the weekend went pretty well. C came over Saturday morning. Did not leave til Tuesday morning, however. Not on purpose! It snowed here on Sunday – Tuesday morning. Nobody could go anywhere. So I guess, you could say, we got snowed in.

Well, he met my mom. She LIKES him! Oh boy. *I* like him too. Hahaha. It all went well.

However, by Tuesday morning, we were so ready to get rid of each other. We both need our space. Which is great. But still like each other. A lot. Yay!

We watched  I Pronounce You Chuck And Larry.  It wasn’t as great as I thought it would be! I thought it’d be funnier. It was pretty good though. Not bad. Now that I own the movie, ya know.

*Cheesy Moment*
He gave me a full body massage Monday night. Now THAT was fantastic! Lotion and all. I loved it. Then some other :stuff:  …. use your imagination! By the way, that was even better than the massage!!!!   We went shopping together Tuesday morning. He kissed me and said “now we’re on camera” .. haha cute but dumb, I know. Okay, okay, one more thing here. We had a “bet” going of who would call who/text who first …. I won. He texted me at around 7pm while I was at work. Told me he just had to text me. Yay!!! Again, Butterflies!!

Okay okay back to normal! So we started the 12 hour shifts again yesterday. I’m going to be so tired today. I think I’m going to TRY to get the monster to take a nap around 12:30 or 1. Maybe play with his trucks in the bedroom. Whatever. I don’t care, as long as it works and I can sleep a few hours. Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be okay. Wish me luck!!!

PS – Now you know why it took SO long to update!! …Because he was here and I couldn’t possibly even read other blogs while he was here. Duhhhh… Hah?

A lot of people I work with … I’d consider pimples. I’d love to pop a few of them. It’s not even that they are bad people. It’s just that they like to think they know everything. Okay, so then fucking know everything, asshole. I don’t care. But when it comes down to you needing to know everything – don’t bother me! Haha. Like I said. Some people just need to be popped.