New Years!

Okay so New Years went well. I met his friends, got along with them. All went great.

I asked him about the text message. And he poured his heart out to me. And it’s fucking great, because I feel almost exactly the same. I’m so glad I met him!!

Zach is being pretty good the past two days. I’m sure this means The Spawn will come out soon. I’m just waiting for it..

So for my birthday Dude is taking me to Longhorn and to see Sweeney Todd. I can’t wait to see the movie, moreso than dinner. Haha. Of course I can’t wait to just spend time with him.

He definitely has my heart.

Christmas came and went…

And I honestly just realized that Zach’s father never called for Christmas. Okay. Another holiday come and gone without any contact from him.

Now give me ONE good reason why I shouldn’t make his life as miserable as I possibly can?

The only thing is.. we had a great Christmas without him. And honestly, I just now realized he never called. I’m glad Zach’s not old enough to realize.. and hopefully when he is old enough to know that daddy forgot about him again, he’ll be old enough to know that it doesn’t matter because he has everything he needs and wants without him ever being there. That’s good enough for me.

I just don’t see how you could have a child and want nothing to do with them.. especially on a day such as Christmas.

Merry Christmas!!!

So the big day has arrived!! I have had presents in the spare room, in the shed, and in the car just waiting for this day to come. And it was great to finally see him open them!

It started out at work. C picked me up Monday AM after work. We went home. Took the car to get the window fixed* and then came back home. Got in his car and decided to brave the grocery store one last time before the bearded man made an appearance. We got hoagies for lunch, some lunchmeat, bread, etc. The usual necessities. We made a stop at his house … first time Zach has ever been there! Dropped some things off to Johnny and came home. I fell asleep on him on the ride home. (Mind you, I had maybe || <– that much sleep on Sunday and then worked all Sunday night and none on Monday either.) We came home and took a nap, got up, I made dinner, and we just spent time .. the 3 of us.. in the living room watching tv. My mother came home and soon it was time for Zach to go to bed. C and I slept until about 11:15 and then got up and wrapped presents. Well, that took a little longer than expected! And boy, I didn’t realize this child had so many gifts until I decided to wrap them.. haha. C got Zach a bunch of gifts too. I’m not much of a stocking person.. but C got him a HUGE stocking too. So, we were up until about 12:30 out here. I took pictures of the tree with all the gifts under it before anyone/any animals got to it. Then we went to bed.

Our night was great. Nice, ’special’, comfortable, and just unbelievably great. After the activities, we had an amazing sleep as well. Zach got up around 9am and we all came out to watch him open gifts. He took his time. He would “Oh wow!” at all the toys, or put his finger to his lip and say “Hmm, I wonder what this is!” Hahaha it was so cute. But it was great to watch him open things and see how excited he got. Just wonderful. Really.

C got me a tshirt, a 20Q game thing, and 2 pairs of earrings. I really really love the earrings. He got me a pair of gold hoop earrings, and a pair of thin gold hoops that have crosses on them. I love it all. It was wonderful spending Christmas with him. I’m so glad he was here for it. He went home already, he had to take J back home. I sent some ham and some french toast for J and some ham for C too. I’ll talk to him later I’m sure.

All I know about all this now is.. This man has a hold on me. And I am absolutely loving it.

*Getting the window fixed- My mother ordered the wrong window. She told them the windshield and guess what.. it’s the BACK window, not the windshield, that has to be fixed. So they ordered a windshield and it will be done Wednesday morning. Thank God!!!

Almost Christmas!

Okay so it’s FINALLY almost Christmas! And one week until my birthday. Woohoo! I can’t wait to celebrate that. I got Zach’s layaway off and am going to wrap everything Christmas Eve. I have to go through the stuff today to wrap things that I got for other kids because me and Sarah are exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas since she’s going away for the holiday. So when Zach takes a nap, that’s what I’ll be doing.

Anyhow.. Dude came over last night. And it was so nice to see him. I missed him!! I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time he was here. It just sucks that he had to get up to leave so early. I’m supposed to see him tonight. I don’t know what’s going on now whether he’s going to come here and spend the night or whether I’m going there. I’d rather go there and get a break from the spawn for one night. I miss being able to go see him and just hang out there without anyone any kids to bother me.

So yesterday I was driving home and I hear *BANG!* I look in the rearview mirror and the WHOLE back windshield is cracking. Into little pieces. I was hoping I could get home without it cracking or breaking or shattering … but then I heard it shattering. Literally, HEARD it. So I pulled over and took Zach out and put him in the front seat with me.. meanwhile, freaking out because I don’t have the money to get it fixed … and it’s not even my car – it’s my mom’s! So I’m figuring she’s gonna kill me, flip out, whatever. Well, thank god I put Zach in the front because soon after I did that, the whole window shattered. So now there is glass all over the back of my car seats, in his carseat.. just all over. I came home, still freaking out, grabbed Zach, ran in the house and told my mother … who was rather calm about the whole situation. She wanted to make sure Zach wasn’t hurt and everything else is okay, and said maybe an iceball or a tree branch fell on it. Because I still don’t know what it was. Anyhow, my brother said he’ll pay to get it fixed. Thank god! So C is picking me up on Monday morning (Christmas Eve!) from work and we are coming here. He is going with me to get it fixed, and Tas is going to watch Zach for me. We wanted to get it fixed tomorrow but they don’t have any openings until Monday at 9am. So that’s that.

Tas got her car stuck again the other day. Her boyfriend and a friend of his/hers/mine came to help her get it out. They got it out. Anyhow, the point of this is.. Kids say the darnest thing!!! Zach came over to me last night and the conversation went like this:

Zach: “Mommy I can’t play with my truck.”
Me: “Why not?”
Zach: “I can’t drive it.”
Me: “Why can’t you drive it? Go get it.”
Zach: “I can’t. It’s stuck in a ditch like Tas car. Tas can’t drive either.”

HAHAHAA I laughed so hard. I love my son. He’s so funny!! His newest thing is telling me I’m a funny bunny. No idea where he got that from. Oh yeah, and now he answers the tv and talks to Dora and Diego and Joe from Blues Clues and to Tasha on the Backyardigans.. I hate that show, btw. I also hate The Wonder Pets. But that’s life.

I think we’re going to eat lunch, and take a nap soon. Sounds good to me. I need it.

He’s just a little boy

When you have a child you begin to deal with a lot of shit. And other people just have to adapt to it. Especially when they come into the house after your child has lived there for 2 years and is used to having things their way. It doesn’t matter if you are used to living on your own and living with somebody is different for you.. it matters what is different for the child. Afterall, you are the adult here. Meaning… YOU should change. Not the kid.

People need to realize.. when a baby is born, they are coming into this world not knowing anything at all. You teach them everything. So a person can never say how bad a little kid is. It is what they learn, or how they learn.

My son is bad. Yes, he is. But I know why he is, too. And it’s not really even that he is bad, it is that he is bored and he wants to explore everything. He just gets into everything and he’s hyper. I’m sorry if you can not handle my child. However, I am not sorry if you think that I should take into consideration that you have lived on your own or are used to doing what you want. I shouldn’t have to take that into thought. You knew that coming here, you would be living with my child here as well. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn’t. That’s not the issue now anyhow. I’m not saying any mistakes were made. However, I want people to realize that when there is a child involved – the child should come as number one. Not what you THE ADULT want. Sorry, but that’s how it goes.

Especially when the child in question is my son.

I can’t wait to get out of this house and in our own house where my son won’t ever get an attitude from anyone else that will make him feel unwanted. The good thing about him being so young now though, is he doesn’t realize that people give him an attitude … he doesn’t feel bad about it yet. But I feel bad for him with it, and that, believe me, starts some arguments. When we get our place I won’t have to worry about him touching other people’s things. If that’s the problem, then keep your things in your room. Again, like I’ve said before.. my son was here first. He is number one in my life and in this house. It’s just something you have to get used to. He doesn’t have to adapt to you – you are the adult, adapt to him.

And one more thing… when you want to be alone, then do that. Don’t come downstairs knowing my son will want to see you and then ignore him or get mad at every little thing he does. Go out, or stay in your room. Whatever.

My son is a huge ball of energy but he holds a lot of love inside. He is also very sensitive. He just wants to have fun and be loved. If there’s any problem with that at all, then take care of it yourself.

White Christmas!

So it snowed. Again. And I slid all the way up the hills. Then all the way down the hills. Then into the driveway. Then my feet even slid up the steps. And I swear, for some reason, I slid right into bed too. Of course there’s no ice in the house but still… it was just a slippery night.

Anyhow. I got a text last night…
Him: “Hey what are you doing for new years? My ex roommates are wondering. They’re having a party.”
Me: “I don’t know what I’m doing yet. Is that supposed to be an invitation?”
Him: “Maybe? I was invited a few weeks ago and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I brought a ‘friend’. Just an idea.”

So what is THAT supposed to mean? A “friend”? Ugh. Yeah, whatever. However, also told him to tell me something I don’t know.. he tells me “Ok, how bout I want you all to myself! Almost like girlfriend material! Ok, happy now?”

..Again.. almost like? Um, what? What is almost like? God what is wrong with guys. I don’t get them.

IN OTHER NEWS..
The Spawn has killed a plant. Literally. He has a bee aka his “been”.. it’s really a massage thing that my aunt gave him because he wouldn’t leave without it. So he spilled out the plant and was playing in the dirt with it. He threw a couple things in the oven today as well. While it was on, of course. Let’s see.. what else. Oh! And he got his first “peepee hurt” today.. Ouch. He fell off of something and hurt himself and kept telling me his peepee hurts. Now that, that I felt bad for him for. I mean.. just.. ouch.

This week for work I will have about 42 hours. I have to work tonight and Wednesday night. Then off Thursday and Friday. I get paid Thursday which = $100 on layaway. Have to pay my mom. I’m thinking of getting her something special. Maybe a grandma necklace or something from Zach. Something she doesn’t know about. I also have to get one other thing for my nephew.. just not sure what. Then I am done. Maybe something for Sarah though? I don’t know if we are still getting for each other or if it’s just the kids this year. And I have no idea whatsoever about Tas… because my birthday is coming up too. And I do expect presents for my birthday. Yes, sure, call me selfish, but I don’t care! If I get you a birthday present, you get me one. That’s how it works. So do it. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Oh yes I am counting the days til my birthday!! Still don’t know what I am doing though. I know I have off that whole week though. I guess we will see what happens, right? All I know is I plan on having fun and getting presents. Hahaha.. I’m joking. I just plan on having fun.

Oh boy oh boy the spawn is calling mommy! Must go.

Don’t worry ’bout me steppin’ all ova ya feet!

Sooo yea my friend babysat Zach Sat night/Sunday morning. She had music on. He told her, “dance, Tas!” she said she didn’t want to dance.. he said “well MOMMY dances!!”  … haha makes me feel loved.

Tonight I start my backpacker training, I believe. Fun fun. It is pretty fun though. I like it. Plus, after I pass the test, it’s a 50 cent raise! Now that’s pretty damn good!

My weekend was awesome. Zach met C. It all worked out good. I’m glad. Hopefully next weekend he’ll come and hang out here on Sunday. I’m happy with him! It’s all good.

Sorry so short! I need to jump in the shower and load the dishwasher and go to work. Blah.

Cat liter everywhere

So the devil child is in rare form today. This is for damn sure. Not only does he not listen (of course this is a daily defiance thing) but he is just into everything. Sure, it’s a normal two year old thing to do. But who can deal with that on two hours of sleep within 24 hours? …Not me! So anyhow, he goes upstairs to the loft. Mommy yells at him …. Zach get down here now. He runs. What else is new? It is not a game to me though!!! ….Chases the cats. Again, mommy yells. …Follows the cats to the LITER box. Again, mommy yells. Louder this time. And THEN the tragedy happens …. somehow, and I won’t mention names, the whole liter box (including kitty goodies) are spilled all over my floor. So then mommy really starts yelling. Zach is REALLY running now. I’d probably run too if I was him with a sleep deprived crazy(er) mother. So um yeah. Anybody know how to get cat liter out of carpet?  ….I tried everything. It just won’t work. And after about an hour of crying and yelling and stomping around, throwing my adult temper tantrums …. I still can’t get all of it off the floor. I don’t know what to do.

On top of all this… I swear, there’s got to be some kind of scheme to let me not sleep … and the whole world is involved. The world likes me sleepless. I am telling you. I’d even bet money on it.

I quit.

I am sick of being a mom!! I am sick of having to share everything I have. I made Zach oatmeal and gave him a banana. I had a bagel. So Zach NEEDS a bagel. No. It is MOMMY’S BAGEL. You can not have it! I got myself into this not knowing that I would have to share every single morsel of food ever to enter my house with this child of mine! 

I am NOT saying I do not love my son. I do. I would not trade him for anything.

But he is driving me freaking INSANE! I give up! Every time I turn around it is mommy? Mommy?

I kinda get angry at my friends who don’t have kids and get to go home and sleep after work. The ones that get to go out freely, no matter what time of the day/night it is. The ones that only have to pay rent and not worry about supporting another human being off of the meesly money we all make. It makes me angry. Or should I say envious.

I don’t even know anymore. All I know is he is driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do with him anymore *sigh*