Upgrade Ya!!

Okay so first … the test is March 10th & 12th. My P.O. is okay with this. Thank god. All is well.

Yesterday my wonderful friend Sarah kept my son from 11 – 5 and I got 5 FULL HOURS OF SLEEP!!! It felt so good, and I needed it. I missed Zach so much, so I told him today we’re going to spend a day playing and watching tv together. It’s a “Mommy & Me” day today. So, of course, this won’t be long.

Tonight C is coming over. He came over the other night but we barely even got to talk … it was later, and I had to go pick up my mom (he watched Zach) and I came home, we watched a movie, and went to bed because he had to get up at 4:30. My poor guy. He’s so great. And I really am in deep with him. Loving it.

The phone.. The phone is ringing!

God I am beat.

So lately, things haven’t been so bad. I’m just ignoring the drama. (And it’s ALL around!) It’s just really not worth it. Ohhhh wow, you saw me arguing with the boss? And? That doesn’t mean it’s your business what happened. Haha, and the crazy lady said she thinks I go to work drunk. Shit, I wish I went to work drunk! It’d be more fun that way.

Zach is doing awesome with the potty training. Really. I’m soooo proud of him. He’s so smart and he’s sooo fuckin’ cute. And *I* am responsible for that!!! I love it.

Things with Dude are blossoming well. He’s in it for the long haul. Tomorrow night is just me and him and I can’t wait. I miss him. It’s crazy.. he still gives me butterflies. And I love it! I think I love him… Just don’t let him know.

So.. I haven’t had any sleep in over 24 hours now. And counting. About 29-30 now, actually. I’m going to bed soon. But anyhow.. today we took Kaitie to get her cast changed. She was awesome! She didn’t even cry. Then we stopped at Wendys for the kiddies. Then had to rush home. Yeah, that sucked. Got home around 3:15 (late!!) and then I had to run back down to the store b/c we didn’t get a chance to stop there and Sarah’s father had to be to work. Then it started snowing. Ruined my plans for tonight. I was looking forward to Siamsa!!! Dammit. I even got a new outfit. But we have to rescheduele. I can’t wait.

So I’m sorry this is choppy and not making sense. I’m tired.

ALSO.. The other day I was talking to Sarah about mudslide (the drink). And I told her “c’mon, get drunk! I like to get drunk.” … Zach says “I like drunk too, mommy.” and turns to Sarah and says “Sah, I drunk too.”

HAHAHAHAA!! Things NOT to say in front of a parrot.. I mean toddler.

Oh yes, it IS all about me!

OKAY so to start. Zach is doing GREAT potty training! I’m so proud of him. I think he finally may have the hang of it! On Thursday we went out for a while wearing underwear.. and he only had one accident. Then yesterday we went in the car and to Sarah’s and to Mr. Z’s. He had an accident in Mr. Z’s but he did soooo good before! I need to get him more underwear. Hopefully.. this is the last bag of diapers I’ll have to buy!! Woohooo!! I am SO PROUD OF MY BABY!

Okay now second. As for my last post.. I’m just getting sick and tired of hearing my name. It’s getting ridiculous and it is childish. So just remember.. you don’t know me.

Now about THE DUDE… Last night he was here. I was so happy to see him. He was saying how nice it is to just be with me and how his heart is there and all this stuff. I was very deep in thought. I wanted to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want to mess up the words. I don’t know HOW to say things like that. Well I do.. but I’m scared I’ll be rejected. Even though I know I won’t. I know how he feels.. I guess I just don’t know how to come out and say these things. But I am falling for him.. very deeply. He already has me. He has my heart… he has all of me. I haven’t felt like this in so long.. and I’m scared shitless. I just hope it’s worth it. And so far.. I figure he’s here for the long run. And so am I.
Before.. he told me he’s falling for me, and his heart is there, but his brain is telling him to take it slow b/c he doesn’t know me completely yet.. but that he’s happy with me and just wasn’t expecting this at all but it’s great. I just never said anything back.. I’m scared! I want to say things back, but it just doesn’t come out.. or I don’t know how to say it. So I texted him… “Okay so here. Sorry I didn’t tell you last night. I wanted to.. So you say you’re falling for me, well I’m falling too. I have very strong feelings for you and I’m really loving it. And I haven’t felt like this in a while.. and I’m a lil scared but it’s worth it. I love being with you.. you always make me happy. That’s all for now!”
He said back “That’s what I’m talkin about! Very nice to finally hear.” Soooo now he knows I feel the same way. I’m glad I FINALLY said something.. haha.

So today I’m going to see Nevaeh. I got a new camera so I want to take some pics of her. Maybe I’ll even post some here. Fun fun! And then I have to pick up my mom from work. And then I’m pretty sure Zach and I are going to A’s house for a “play date & dinner” kinda thing.

My <heart3 already left.. and I miss him already. It’s just the greatest feeling.. being in his arms.

To me, you don’t exist.

If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Or maybe we just weren’t friends to begin with? Apparently, when shit comes up that has nothing to do with me and YOU INSERT MY NAME.. then I guess that would mean, no we are no longer friends.

You talk about highschool bullshit.. well, I’ve never dealt with so much shit at work until I met you, let me tell you.

And now you’re writing blogs about shit assuming it’s me? Go for it, keep doing it, I don’t care.

But when you bring my son into shit at work.. that’s just low. That’s some low-life shit, seriously.

And I REFUSE to deal with it.

He’s just a little boy

When you have a child you begin to deal with a lot of shit. And other people just have to adapt to it. Especially when they come into the house after your child has lived there for 2 years and is used to having things their way. It doesn’t matter if you are used to living on your own and living with somebody is different for you.. it matters what is different for the child. Afterall, you are the adult here. Meaning… YOU should change. Not the kid.

People need to realize.. when a baby is born, they are coming into this world not knowing anything at all. You teach them everything. So a person can never say how bad a little kid is. It is what they learn, or how they learn.

My son is bad. Yes, he is. But I know why he is, too. And it’s not really even that he is bad, it is that he is bored and he wants to explore everything. He just gets into everything and he’s hyper. I’m sorry if you can not handle my child. However, I am not sorry if you think that I should take into consideration that you have lived on your own or are used to doing what you want. I shouldn’t have to take that into thought. You knew that coming here, you would be living with my child here as well. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn’t. That’s not the issue now anyhow. I’m not saying any mistakes were made. However, I want people to realize that when there is a child involved – the child should come as number one. Not what you THE ADULT want. Sorry, but that’s how it goes.

Especially when the child in question is my son.

I can’t wait to get out of this house and in our own house where my son won’t ever get an attitude from anyone else that will make him feel unwanted. The good thing about him being so young now though, is he doesn’t realize that people give him an attitude … he doesn’t feel bad about it yet. But I feel bad for him with it, and that, believe me, starts some arguments. When we get our place I won’t have to worry about him touching other people’s things. If that’s the problem, then keep your things in your room. Again, like I’ve said before.. my son was here first. He is number one in my life and in this house. It’s just something you have to get used to. He doesn’t have to adapt to you – you are the adult, adapt to him.

And one more thing… when you want to be alone, then do that. Don’t come downstairs knowing my son will want to see you and then ignore him or get mad at every little thing he does. Go out, or stay in your room. Whatever.

My son is a huge ball of energy but he holds a lot of love inside. He is also very sensitive. He just wants to have fun and be loved. If there’s any problem with that at all, then take care of it yourself.

Girls Night Out

So last night was awesome. Sarah and Kaitie came over for dinner and we just hung out around the house for a while. Then we decided that we should go out. Our “babysitters” were willing and it just seemed a fun thing to do. Even on a Thursday. Of course we weren’t expecting to have as much fun as we did, though. We figured we’d go to this newer place around here. I rarely ever go out to any place other than the pub … because that’s where I meet with C at and it’s the place I’m comfortable with pretty much.

I found my new favorite place.

We had a few drinks, had a few shots and headed to the dance floor. Sarah doesn’t dance much.. but I do. After about an hour or two she was warming up.. haha. It took her a while. But wow we had so much fun. I can’t wait to go there again.

I told C I want him to go with me one time.. but I doubt he could handle me like that. Sarah has never even really seen me dance BUT she did last night!! And god it was so much fun! I danced so much last night. Then we went to Perkins to eat.

Sarah couldn’t drive. Haha. I told her I was going to treat her to get fucked up. And it was the best night I’ve had in a long time!!! We’re going again soon. Yay!

ANYHOW! C is coming over tonight. I can’t wait to see him. Ahh I’m really starting to feel for this dude. Oh boy oh boy.. what do I do now.

Okay so honestly I’ve only gotten about 2 hours of sleep so far. If that. And I feel fine. I feel like I slept and could do a whole 12 hour shift again. However, in about an hour or so, I doubt I’ll feel that way anymore.

Now another topic. I can not stand dealing with her anymore. I am just so aggravated. I don’t know what to do or how to let it out. Seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode. When she moved in, she said “oh yeah, I’ll drive you to work. I have to go there anyway right” … okay so what’s the problem? Everything I do, apparently. She seems to have MAJOR issues with Zach. And that’s something I just don’t deal with very nicely at all. So now she wants to start leaving at 4:30? When we don’t have to be at work til 6. Because THAT is going to help matters. I still have to drop him off. She’ll still have to wait. What is the issue? Then this morning… that was the topper. My mother told her she had to be in work by 7am, please be home by 6:30. Sure thing, she told her! No problem! Okay. Throughout the night, I asked, we’re going straight home right because my mom has to be at work. She said yes, I know. So then okay, why then, at 6am when we are clocking out, does she say… I have to stop at wawa and take Pete home first. WHAT THE FUCK!? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. So we argued. Of course. Obviously. I don’t get it. Seriously. How can you be 26 years old and soooo fucking oblivious to the world around you? I just really don’t get it. So we argued. She said … if you keep yelling at me, we may have to make different arrangements for you getting to work. I’m going to flip out.  Of COURSE, this awakes the bitch in me. I say good, go ahead, flip out at me. God, PLEASE fucking flip out at me. Oh my god. I am so angry even now still. So. I refuse to ride into work with her again. Or even talk to her anytime soon.

Let me just say.. next time C comes over and brings me anything. No matter what it is. No, Tas, you can NOT have any.

Sorry if I’m making no sense. I’m just really angry.

Crazy…

My friend. is. driving. me. INSANE! 

I don’t think I can take anymore.