About My Man … Yes, I am bored

Yeah yeah skip this if you want. But I just want to write about him.

How well do you know your man?

<<My Man>>
About him:

His Birthday: June 1

How long have you been together? About 6 – 7 months now. I think closer to 7.

How long did you know each other before you got together? A bit. We had hung out at the house, gone to lunch, and gone to the bar before we “got together”

What physical features attracted you to him first?: His smile, his body shape… yeah, shoulders.. and he has a nice butt!

Hair color: Blonde… going some thinning and some gray going on! lol He’s an oldhead

Hair style: Crew cut I guess? Keeps it close since the navy, he says..

How did you meet? Through friends.. his roomies.

RELATIONSHIP STUFF

How serious is it: We are IN LOVE.. it’s serious. I want to be with him permanently.

Are you in love? ABSOLUTELY.

Do your parents like him: My mother does. My aunts like him. My friends like him. My BROTHER likes him.

Does it matter?: Yes, it does. To me.

Do you trust him? Yes, I believe I do.

Does he let you wear his pants? Um I don’t want to wear his pants?

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep with?  I have a shirt he bought me, an older shirt of his, and a few other shirts.. he leaves some every time he’s here. lol.

Do you like the way he smells: I LOOOOVE the way he smells!!

Can you picture having kids with him: Well I already have mine and he seems to love him just as much. I would have kids with him, in the future.

What bothers you the most about him: He has mood swings worse than a bitch on PMS!! Hahaha. Also.. he cheats at air hockey.

Does he have a temper? Yeah, but it takes a LOT to get there. And I’ve never seen it.

Are you happy to be with him: Yes, very much so. I love him, and I’m keeping him.

Does he embarrass you in public: No.

SOME OTHER STUFF

Does he have any piercings?: Umm.. I don’t think so. But I’m not actually sure.

Does he have any scars that you know of? Yep

Is he a party dude or stay at home kind of guy?: He would definitely stay home rather than party. I guess, keep the party at home, right?

Is he Outgoing or Shy? Shy. For sure.

Does he love his mama? She’s gone.

Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? He has before.

Does he sing? Sometimes. He should sing to me more often. I like it.

Does he snore? Nopers.

Do you like his friends? Well, for the most part, I guess. The ones I know.. is how I met him. Haven’t met his other friends. I have to do that sometime. (Already made that promise.)

 

 

It’s Spring!!!

What a nice way to begin the season…

ANYHOW!!! Things are going okay. My son has a mouth on him. It’s unbelievable, especially for a just-turned-3 year old. I wouldn’t expect the things he says. I guess that’s part of childhood and motherhood though, right? Okay, so my fault – I pulled off the highway and let him pee in a parking lot one day. So sue me!!

Today I’m just in the mood to sit and watch a movie. I’d like some quiet time. I kinda miss that part of my before-life. I also miss being hot. But I’m working on that one.

I’ve really decided today, for sure, I need to start exercising and watch what I eat. I really want to be thin again. I want to be how I was when I was 18. When my girls and I used to put on our skirts and tank tops and parade ourselves around The Crossings. When we used to get into my NEON YELLOW FORD ESCORT ZX2…

… and open all the windows and the sunroof, with the music BLASTING.. and drive! I miss that. I miss that a lot. But I can deal with missing that life.

But I want my body back!!!!                     

And that’s how it’s going to be, I say!!

NOW. Okay, so Dude and I had a pretty big argument. Which went into his own little issues to go along with this. Well all that is okay now. He is moving. I’m very nervous about him moving, I’m kinda scared that’ll make it not work out. But then the more I think about it.. it’ll make it just like it is now. He comes over once or twice through the week, I go over there once every other week. That’s just how it is now.. so there’s no big deal there. He said to me “Are we okay? Are we still in love? I don’t want to give up on us.” Yes, we are okay. We are still in love. Very much in love, actually. I’m happy, he’s happy.. Zach is happy.

I’m trying to find another job. I want a day job. A job where I can work during the DAY and then come home. Like normal people. Haha. I’m trying for a daycare until I can get my schooling moving. Looking forward to that as well.

Well this seems to be quite the post!! I wasn’t planning on writing this much. Maybe I’ll just go watch a movie now..

Fulfillment

There’s always that empty spot inside, no matter what. You can try to fill it and try to fill it but it’s never full until you are truly happy.

I am almost there.

The CNA thing takes about 2 months or so. I’m going to go for that. While I’m doing that, I plan on going to school to be an LPN. That takes 2 years or so. That’s my plans. I feel like everything is slowly coming together.

I am talking to a friend again. We are okay. We have been talking and catching up and hopefully we are over the childish nonsense. I hope.

I am getting more excited for spring time. Zach got a bike and he can’t wait to ride it. I need to get one too so that we can ride together once he learns. I can’t wait to go to the beach, I can’t wait to go to Dorney park, I can’t wait to just go. I LOVE the spring time, the summer time. I love the fun we can have. It’s just an all around happy time to me.

However.. it’s also the time I normally screw up. So here’s hoping I stay strong this time. I plan on it.

Zach’s party was okay. A lot of people didn’t show. It irks me that adults are ignorant enough to just not show up. If your child is not going – say so. It costs me money. I hate wasting money.

SOOO I guess there’s really not too much to say. This is a quick update. I’m just happy.

I’m getting things together. I’m getting life in the right lane. I’m happy. My son is great. I’m in love. Everything is going great. For once.

All in all…

R.I.P. Aunt Mary. I love you and I will miss you.

At the funeral, I was thinking.. there’s only 4 of them left. And my poor grandmother.. I ache for her. I can’t even imagine how she must feel. Losing her husband years ago, my uncle (her son-in-law of YEARS), her son (my own father), her sister, and now her oldest child..and only daughter. How horrible that must be. If anyone really does read my blog, please give a prayer for her. She is truly a strong woman.. and still as loving and giving as ever. She is my hero.

Now.. Moving time is coming closer. I am getting nervous, about being able to do everything on my own. I have faith in myself.. I believe I can do it. But there’s just so many things I worry about. Like my legal “issues”… I don’t want any of that to get screwed up. I’m scared to death of that. I’m scared of losing everything, especially when I really am doing good. I am doing everything right. I am trying to get things going for myself… and mostly, for my son. I want to go back to school. And I can’t wait to do it. I want to be the person, the woman, and the mother I know I can be. I want to do what I know I am capable of. And I look forward to it.

Now.. for The Dude. Chris. Every time I see him, feelings get stronger. I don’t even know, I don’t know if it’s right or not. If I should feel like this.. if he feels the same way or not. I think he does. I am pretty damn sure he does. Honestly, all I know now, is that he has me hooked. I don’t even THINK of other guys while I have him. And it’s not all about sex, either. That’s the best thing about it. We have a real relationship.. something real and wonderful going on. He’s so great to Zach. He’s just so awesome all together. I believe I love him. I really, really think I do. Isn’t that what love is? Not being able to get someone out of your mind?

If you can’t get someone out of your mind, maybe they’re supposed to be there.

So maybe life is finally going right. Maybe I’m not such a screw up. Maybe things will go right. Either way, I’ve made mistakes and I’m trying to get past them. I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. Extremely far from it, actually. But I am trying. Trying very hard, too. I’m sure I’ll make more mistakes, hopefully never like the past, but I know I’ll get through them too. I have faith in me.

Upgrade Ya!!

Okay so first … the test is March 10th & 12th. My P.O. is okay with this. Thank god. All is well.

Yesterday my wonderful friend Sarah kept my son from 11 – 5 and I got 5 FULL HOURS OF SLEEP!!! It felt so good, and I needed it. I missed Zach so much, so I told him today we’re going to spend a day playing and watching tv together. It’s a “Mommy & Me” day today. So, of course, this won’t be long.

Tonight C is coming over. He came over the other night but we barely even got to talk … it was later, and I had to go pick up my mom (he watched Zach) and I came home, we watched a movie, and went to bed because he had to get up at 4:30. My poor guy. He’s so great. And I really am in deep with him. Loving it.

The phone.. The phone is ringing!

God I am beat.

So lately, things haven’t been so bad. I’m just ignoring the drama. (And it’s ALL around!) It’s just really not worth it. Ohhhh wow, you saw me arguing with the boss? And? That doesn’t mean it’s your business what happened. Haha, and the crazy lady said she thinks I go to work drunk. Shit, I wish I went to work drunk! It’d be more fun that way.

Zach is doing awesome with the potty training. Really. I’m soooo proud of him. He’s so smart and he’s sooo fuckin’ cute. And *I* am responsible for that!!! I love it.

Things with Dude are blossoming well. He’s in it for the long haul. Tomorrow night is just me and him and I can’t wait. I miss him. It’s crazy.. he still gives me butterflies. And I love it! I think I love him… Just don’t let him know.

So.. I haven’t had any sleep in over 24 hours now. And counting. About 29-30 now, actually. I’m going to bed soon. But anyhow.. today we took Kaitie to get her cast changed. She was awesome! She didn’t even cry. Then we stopped at Wendys for the kiddies. Then had to rush home. Yeah, that sucked. Got home around 3:15 (late!!) and then I had to run back down to the store b/c we didn’t get a chance to stop there and Sarah’s father had to be to work. Then it started snowing. Ruined my plans for tonight. I was looking forward to Siamsa!!! Dammit. I even got a new outfit. But we have to rescheduele. I can’t wait.

So I’m sorry this is choppy and not making sense. I’m tired.

ALSO.. The other day I was talking to Sarah about mudslide (the drink). And I told her “c’mon, get drunk! I like to get drunk.” … Zach says “I like drunk too, mommy.” and turns to Sarah and says “Sah, I drunk too.”

HAHAHAHAA!! Things NOT to say in front of a parrot.. I mean toddler.

YAY FOR MY BABY!!!

Zach has been in big boy underwear ALL DAY LONG!! I’m SO PROUD OF HIM!! Woohooo!!! You go, little man!! God I LOVE MY SON!!

And I talked to Dude.. guess this might just really work out afterall!! Ahhh Falling falling falling.. Fallen. We’re in it for the long haul. Wish us luck!!

So fuck everyone else because I’m HAPPY! And no we didn’t break up today either. Hahahaaaaaa.

Oh yes, it IS all about me!

OKAY so to start. Zach is doing GREAT potty training! I’m so proud of him. I think he finally may have the hang of it! On Thursday we went out for a while wearing underwear.. and he only had one accident. Then yesterday we went in the car and to Sarah’s and to Mr. Z’s. He had an accident in Mr. Z’s but he did soooo good before! I need to get him more underwear. Hopefully.. this is the last bag of diapers I’ll have to buy!! Woohooo!! I am SO PROUD OF MY BABY!

Okay now second. As for my last post.. I’m just getting sick and tired of hearing my name. It’s getting ridiculous and it is childish. So just remember.. you don’t know me.

Now about THE DUDE… Last night he was here. I was so happy to see him. He was saying how nice it is to just be with me and how his heart is there and all this stuff. I was very deep in thought. I wanted to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want to mess up the words. I don’t know HOW to say things like that. Well I do.. but I’m scared I’ll be rejected. Even though I know I won’t. I know how he feels.. I guess I just don’t know how to come out and say these things. But I am falling for him.. very deeply. He already has me. He has my heart… he has all of me. I haven’t felt like this in so long.. and I’m scared shitless. I just hope it’s worth it. And so far.. I figure he’s here for the long run. And so am I.
Before.. he told me he’s falling for me, and his heart is there, but his brain is telling him to take it slow b/c he doesn’t know me completely yet.. but that he’s happy with me and just wasn’t expecting this at all but it’s great. I just never said anything back.. I’m scared! I want to say things back, but it just doesn’t come out.. or I don’t know how to say it. So I texted him… “Okay so here. Sorry I didn’t tell you last night. I wanted to.. So you say you’re falling for me, well I’m falling too. I have very strong feelings for you and I’m really loving it. And I haven’t felt like this in a while.. and I’m a lil scared but it’s worth it. I love being with you.. you always make me happy. That’s all for now!”
He said back “That’s what I’m talkin about! Very nice to finally hear.” Soooo now he knows I feel the same way. I’m glad I FINALLY said something.. haha.

So today I’m going to see Nevaeh. I got a new camera so I want to take some pics of her. Maybe I’ll even post some here. Fun fun! And then I have to pick up my mom from work. And then I’m pretty sure Zach and I are going to A’s house for a “play date & dinner” kinda thing.

My <heart3 already left.. and I miss him already. It’s just the greatest feeling.. being in his arms.

Noodles

So it seems it doesn’t matter what I do.. tell the truth or lie. Either way, it pisses her off. I left work early last night.. boss was sending people home. I was talking to Dude on texting and he suggested I come over.. so I did. I stayed the night with him. It was nice being there without K being there and being able to watch tv without it being turned off to hear guitar playing. Seriously, was great. I love being with him. My mom got mad because I didn’t come home to Zach. Well he was sleeping so I don’t see a problem. She’s mad. I guess she’ll get over it.

On another note.. I have to pay $245 for my fines and costs. That’s crazy. I can do it though.. I have 4 more checks coming this month. I’m going to try to get it done asap though. I also have to get my GED. I wanted to get it for a while now, I just need to actually go about doing it.

So Sah has an idea about Valentines Day. She wants us (her and hubby, me and C) to get a villa for 2 nights. I have to talk to him about it.. and it has to be 2 nights I have off of work. Probably would end up being on a weekend. And maybe we could get sitters for one night, but then have the kids there for the other night. I’m not sure about all of it.. but it sounds like a pretty good idea. And her father gets a discount cause he works there.. so that works out for us.

Things with Tas aren’t going so bad. We’ve been getting along for the most part lately. That’s all for the better.

I’m not sure what I want to do. I have 3 options.
Option 1: Sah and me were supposed to get a place. And that does seem like a good idea, honestly. However, P may come along.. and I really don’t know how well that would go over. I don’t want to waste time having to defend myself, or my son, or get into stupid petty little fights.
Option number two is Anna. She asked me if I’d be interested in moving in with her… into a 4 bedroom (plus a loft) house.. with a hot tub. 900 a month. Not bad AT ALL. But I don’t know how we would be as roommates. And plus it’d be farther for C to come and go to work and all that. I’m trying to take him into consideration too.
Option 3: There are apartments in WH that are 2bedrooms for $550 a month. I could do that MYSELF. I could just get a car and Ashley said she’d babysit. This is the option I’m leaning more towards. I’m trying to pursuade Sah into this too.. we could be neighbors. It might be better for both of us to have our OWN places. And then I wouldn’t have to worry about arguing with anyone, or privacy with C. I can do as I please in my own place. I’m really, really thinking of going with this option.
I just hope not to piss anyone off. I don’t want to hurt feelings, don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I think it’s really all for the better if we all just have our own places.

New Years!

Okay so New Years went well. I met his friends, got along with them. All went great.

I asked him about the text message. And he poured his heart out to me. And it’s fucking great, because I feel almost exactly the same. I’m so glad I met him!!

Zach is being pretty good the past two days. I’m sure this means The Spawn will come out soon. I’m just waiting for it..

So for my birthday Dude is taking me to Longhorn and to see Sweeney Todd. I can’t wait to see the movie, moreso than dinner. Haha. Of course I can’t wait to just spend time with him.

He definitely has my heart.