Upgrade Ya!!

Okay so first … the test is March 10th & 12th. My P.O. is okay with this. Thank god. All is well.

Yesterday my wonderful friend Sarah kept my son from 11 – 5 and I got 5 FULL HOURS OF SLEEP!!! It felt so good, and I needed it. I missed Zach so much, so I told him today we’re going to spend a day playing and watching tv together. It’s a “Mommy & Me” day today. So, of course, this won’t be long.

Tonight C is coming over. He came over the other night but we barely even got to talk … it was later, and I had to go pick up my mom (he watched Zach) and I came home, we watched a movie, and went to bed because he had to get up at 4:30. My poor guy. He’s so great. And I really am in deep with him. Loving it.

The phone.. The phone is ringing!

God I am beat.

So lately, things haven’t been so bad. I’m just ignoring the drama. (And it’s ALL around!) It’s just really not worth it. Ohhhh wow, you saw me arguing with the boss? And? That doesn’t mean it’s your business what happened. Haha, and the crazy lady said she thinks I go to work drunk. Shit, I wish I went to work drunk! It’d be more fun that way.

Zach is doing awesome with the potty training. Really. I’m soooo proud of him. He’s so smart and he’s sooo fuckin’ cute. And *I* am responsible for that!!! I love it.

Things with Dude are blossoming well. He’s in it for the long haul. Tomorrow night is just me and him and I can’t wait. I miss him. It’s crazy.. he still gives me butterflies. And I love it! I think I love him… Just don’t let him know.

So.. I haven’t had any sleep in over 24 hours now. And counting. About 29-30 now, actually. I’m going to bed soon. But anyhow.. today we took Kaitie to get her cast changed. She was awesome! She didn’t even cry. Then we stopped at Wendys for the kiddies. Then had to rush home. Yeah, that sucked. Got home around 3:15 (late!!) and then I had to run back down to the store b/c we didn’t get a chance to stop there and Sarah’s father had to be to work. Then it started snowing. Ruined my plans for tonight. I was looking forward to Siamsa!!! Dammit. I even got a new outfit. But we have to rescheduele. I can’t wait.

So I’m sorry this is choppy and not making sense. I’m tired.

ALSO.. The other day I was talking to Sarah about mudslide (the drink). And I told her “c’mon, get drunk! I like to get drunk.” … Zach says “I like drunk too, mommy.” and turns to Sarah and says “Sah, I drunk too.”

HAHAHAHAA!! Things NOT to say in front of a parrot.. I mean toddler.

To me, you don’t exist.

If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Or maybe we just weren’t friends to begin with? Apparently, when shit comes up that has nothing to do with me and YOU INSERT MY NAME.. then I guess that would mean, no we are no longer friends.

You talk about highschool bullshit.. well, I’ve never dealt with so much shit at work until I met you, let me tell you.

And now you’re writing blogs about shit assuming it’s me? Go for it, keep doing it, I don’t care.

But when you bring my son into shit at work.. that’s just low. That’s some low-life shit, seriously.

And I REFUSE to deal with it.

Noodles

So it seems it doesn’t matter what I do.. tell the truth or lie. Either way, it pisses her off. I left work early last night.. boss was sending people home. I was talking to Dude on texting and he suggested I come over.. so I did. I stayed the night with him. It was nice being there without K being there and being able to watch tv without it being turned off to hear guitar playing. Seriously, was great. I love being with him. My mom got mad because I didn’t come home to Zach. Well he was sleeping so I don’t see a problem. She’s mad. I guess she’ll get over it.

On another note.. I have to pay $245 for my fines and costs. That’s crazy. I can do it though.. I have 4 more checks coming this month. I’m going to try to get it done asap though. I also have to get my GED. I wanted to get it for a while now, I just need to actually go about doing it.

So Sah has an idea about Valentines Day. She wants us (her and hubby, me and C) to get a villa for 2 nights. I have to talk to him about it.. and it has to be 2 nights I have off of work. Probably would end up being on a weekend. And maybe we could get sitters for one night, but then have the kids there for the other night. I’m not sure about all of it.. but it sounds like a pretty good idea. And her father gets a discount cause he works there.. so that works out for us.

Things with Tas aren’t going so bad. We’ve been getting along for the most part lately. That’s all for the better.

I’m not sure what I want to do. I have 3 options.
Option 1: Sah and me were supposed to get a place. And that does seem like a good idea, honestly. However, P may come along.. and I really don’t know how well that would go over. I don’t want to waste time having to defend myself, or my son, or get into stupid petty little fights.
Option number two is Anna. She asked me if I’d be interested in moving in with her… into a 4 bedroom (plus a loft) house.. with a hot tub. 900 a month. Not bad AT ALL. But I don’t know how we would be as roommates. And plus it’d be farther for C to come and go to work and all that. I’m trying to take him into consideration too.
Option 3: There are apartments in WH that are 2bedrooms for $550 a month. I could do that MYSELF. I could just get a car and Ashley said she’d babysit. This is the option I’m leaning more towards. I’m trying to pursuade Sah into this too.. we could be neighbors. It might be better for both of us to have our OWN places. And then I wouldn’t have to worry about arguing with anyone, or privacy with C. I can do as I please in my own place. I’m really, really thinking of going with this option.
I just hope not to piss anyone off. I don’t want to hurt feelings, don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I think it’s really all for the better if we all just have our own places.

Christmas came and went…

And I honestly just realized that Zach’s father never called for Christmas. Okay. Another holiday come and gone without any contact from him.

Now give me ONE good reason why I shouldn’t make his life as miserable as I possibly can?

The only thing is.. we had a great Christmas without him. And honestly, I just now realized he never called. I’m glad Zach’s not old enough to realize.. and hopefully when he is old enough to know that daddy forgot about him again, he’ll be old enough to know that it doesn’t matter because he has everything he needs and wants without him ever being there. That’s good enough for me.

I just don’t see how you could have a child and want nothing to do with them.. especially on a day such as Christmas.

Almost Christmas!

Okay so it’s FINALLY almost Christmas! And one week until my birthday. Woohoo! I can’t wait to celebrate that. I got Zach’s layaway off and am going to wrap everything Christmas Eve. I have to go through the stuff today to wrap things that I got for other kids because me and Sarah are exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas since she’s going away for the holiday. So when Zach takes a nap, that’s what I’ll be doing.

Anyhow.. Dude came over last night. And it was so nice to see him. I missed him!! I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time he was here. It just sucks that he had to get up to leave so early. I’m supposed to see him tonight. I don’t know what’s going on now whether he’s going to come here and spend the night or whether I’m going there. I’d rather go there and get a break from the spawn for one night. I miss being able to go see him and just hang out there without anyone any kids to bother me.

So yesterday I was driving home and I hear *BANG!* I look in the rearview mirror and the WHOLE back windshield is cracking. Into little pieces. I was hoping I could get home without it cracking or breaking or shattering … but then I heard it shattering. Literally, HEARD it. So I pulled over and took Zach out and put him in the front seat with me.. meanwhile, freaking out because I don’t have the money to get it fixed … and it’s not even my car – it’s my mom’s! So I’m figuring she’s gonna kill me, flip out, whatever. Well, thank god I put Zach in the front because soon after I did that, the whole window shattered. So now there is glass all over the back of my car seats, in his carseat.. just all over. I came home, still freaking out, grabbed Zach, ran in the house and told my mother … who was rather calm about the whole situation. She wanted to make sure Zach wasn’t hurt and everything else is okay, and said maybe an iceball or a tree branch fell on it. Because I still don’t know what it was. Anyhow, my brother said he’ll pay to get it fixed. Thank god! So C is picking me up on Monday morning (Christmas Eve!) from work and we are coming here. He is going with me to get it fixed, and Tas is going to watch Zach for me. We wanted to get it fixed tomorrow but they don’t have any openings until Monday at 9am. So that’s that.

Tas got her car stuck again the other day. Her boyfriend and a friend of his/hers/mine came to help her get it out. They got it out. Anyhow, the point of this is.. Kids say the darnest thing!!! Zach came over to me last night and the conversation went like this:

Zach: “Mommy I can’t play with my truck.”
Me: “Why not?”
Zach: “I can’t drive it.”
Me: “Why can’t you drive it? Go get it.”
Zach: “I can’t. It’s stuck in a ditch like Tas car. Tas can’t drive either.”

HAHAHAA I laughed so hard. I love my son. He’s so funny!! His newest thing is telling me I’m a funny bunny. No idea where he got that from. Oh yeah, and now he answers the tv and talks to Dora and Diego and Joe from Blues Clues and to Tasha on the Backyardigans.. I hate that show, btw. I also hate The Wonder Pets. But that’s life.

I think we’re going to eat lunch, and take a nap soon. Sounds good to me. I need it.

He’s just a little boy

When you have a child you begin to deal with a lot of shit. And other people just have to adapt to it. Especially when they come into the house after your child has lived there for 2 years and is used to having things their way. It doesn’t matter if you are used to living on your own and living with somebody is different for you.. it matters what is different for the child. Afterall, you are the adult here. Meaning… YOU should change. Not the kid.

People need to realize.. when a baby is born, they are coming into this world not knowing anything at all. You teach them everything. So a person can never say how bad a little kid is. It is what they learn, or how they learn.

My son is bad. Yes, he is. But I know why he is, too. And it’s not really even that he is bad, it is that he is bored and he wants to explore everything. He just gets into everything and he’s hyper. I’m sorry if you can not handle my child. However, I am not sorry if you think that I should take into consideration that you have lived on your own or are used to doing what you want. I shouldn’t have to take that into thought. You knew that coming here, you would be living with my child here as well. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn’t. That’s not the issue now anyhow. I’m not saying any mistakes were made. However, I want people to realize that when there is a child involved – the child should come as number one. Not what you THE ADULT want. Sorry, but that’s how it goes.

Especially when the child in question is my son.

I can’t wait to get out of this house and in our own house where my son won’t ever get an attitude from anyone else that will make him feel unwanted. The good thing about him being so young now though, is he doesn’t realize that people give him an attitude … he doesn’t feel bad about it yet. But I feel bad for him with it, and that, believe me, starts some arguments. When we get our place I won’t have to worry about him touching other people’s things. If that’s the problem, then keep your things in your room. Again, like I’ve said before.. my son was here first. He is number one in my life and in this house. It’s just something you have to get used to. He doesn’t have to adapt to you – you are the adult, adapt to him.

And one more thing… when you want to be alone, then do that. Don’t come downstairs knowing my son will want to see you and then ignore him or get mad at every little thing he does. Go out, or stay in your room. Whatever.

My son is a huge ball of energy but he holds a lot of love inside. He is also very sensitive. He just wants to have fun and be loved. If there’s any problem with that at all, then take care of it yourself.

Coming soon…

An outburst from me!!

Seriously. Tune in before you miss it. Because if I have to hear her comparing what *I* do in MY house with C vs. what she can do with him… I really will be flipping the fuck out! I can’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter what I do. It is my house! You are just staying here and supposed to be saving up for a place of your own! That’s the point, right? God really I really can’t take it anymore.

If your man comes in my house at 6am after we get off work and wakes my son up.. I will stab him.
This is not a threat. It is a promise.
Just keep one thing in mind. I really am crazy.
Especially when I have had no sleep.
Don’t believe me? Try it.
I beg you.

Other than that… other things are good. I have until the week before Christmas to get Zach’s layaway off. I’m excited for Christmas. I can’t wait. I’m probably more excited than Zach is.

Tonight C is coming over. We may go out. May not. Not quite sure yet. We were going to go to a pub and hang out and get something to eat but we may just bring everything over here and curl up and watch a movie. He wants me to go and meet his friend and hang out there… not sure about that. We’ll see I guess. I’ll let everyone know. That’s for sure!!!

Anyhow.. must go amuse the spawn now. And figure out when the hell C is coming over since I have no minutes to text so he’s supposed to call when he’s coming over. I hate waiting. Blah.

THE weekend!

Okay. So now here’s the deal. At first, Saturday was supposed to go like this:
Work.
Home.
Sleep for a couple hours.
Get up.
Clean the house.
Nap with Zach.
Get up & finish cleaning.
Mother comes home from work.
I go to get C to spend the night.

NOW.. it is going more like this.
Friday:
Rush to clean house!! (Mind you, I should be doing this right about now instead of sitting here and typing about it. Duh!)
Saturday:
Get off work.
Pick up C.
Come home.
Do… I don’t know?

Yeah, see? Drastic change right. His roomies are having a poker night and he doesn’t want to be there for any of it. For some reason, he says he’d rather spend time with me. Now, trust me, I am not saying that is bad! Because I am honestly loving the time I spend with him. He is a big cuddler. And normally, I’m not. But I just love being close to him!

…So, he set up a myspace. Added me. Sent me this..
” just seeing how this damn thing works. so glad i met u. maybe see u tomorrow? hehe “

Ahhhhhhhh I LOVE the butterflies!!

Oh and did I mention that this weekend … he meets my mom? A little bit nervous right there. Seriously. I hope all goes as planned. I think I’m going to invite him over for Thanksgiving as well.

So other than all this happy stuff …. I am so broke. So so so broke. I hate being broke. But I’ll be okay. I think I will, anyhow. I hope.

The spawn hasn’t been too bad today! …I hope I’m not jinxing myself now.

Maybe it’s just me..

I think I’m just a very strange kind of girl. Seriously. I don’t know any girls like me. I really don’t. What kind of girl is going to tell the guy that she really likes “No, don’t come over today, haven’t you had enough of me this weekend?” Haha. Yes, that would be me.

Hell, I LOVE me. I’m a girly girl and can be one of the guys too. Haha. No, seriously. I love me.

And right now.. well, technically all day long, I’ve been cleaning and rearranging. I get bored and rearrange my house. Yes. This is what I do in my own little world over here. I put music on and fold clothes, do dishes, dance around the house, vacuum, rearrange furniture, put things away, etc. Is it just me? Really! If you do this, please, let me know. I need to know I’m not the only one!

Last night I put music on at 10pm, took the clothes out of the dryer and folded them. Put them away today. Played with Zach for a good two hours last night too with the music on. Oh yes, I am a BAAAAD MOMMY … I didn’t put my son to bed til around 12 last night! Sundays nights for me are like Saturday nights for “normal” people. I don’t work Sunday nights. Not until the 12 hour shifts come back, anyhow. So I like to CHILL. Yes, I say chill too.

…I admit it. I do have some issues.