Reblog!

I wrote a blog earlier.. and I just deleted it. It wasn’t as thought out as I’d like it to be. I just found out a lot about what I want to do.. so now I want to write it, but want it to be more organized.

Okay.. so my GED date is set for March 10th & 12th. I’m sure I can pass it. I may have to study a little bit, am not sure how to do that though, but I guess just look things up on the net? Anyway, I am sure I’ll pass it.

Then I know I want to go to college. So as soon as I do that, I want to go and sign up at the college over here. For online courses. Sarah is doing that, and she said since I’m “broke” and am a single parent, I’ll definitely get grants and stuff. Which is great.. I need that, because I can’t afford it. And I really want to better myself and my life. I know I can do it. I want to be the person I know I can be.. the person I would have been, had I not fucked up. But yes, everything happens for a reason. So hopefully I can start a summer course online.

With my taxes.. I am getting a car. Getting a car, and paying off my ticket. That will be great. With what I have left.. if I have anything left, I’m going to treat myself and Zach to a nice day out. Maybe pay for his birthday party. Then I’m going to put the rest into a savings account. Pay off my 300/400 dollar fine for LC and then I’m going to start saving about 100 a week into the savings account. By the time we all get the tax returns (THANK GOD FOR THAT! Bush did something right this time!!!).. which is 600 a person, 300 a child = 900 for me.. I am sure I’ll have enough to move out. If I haven’t done it before.

No idea what will happen with Chris. I am very happy with him, and am pretty sure this will last a while. I mean I don’t know if we’ll move in together or not.. I don’t know what will happen with that. I guess we’ll see, and that will have to do with me moving out.

I’m hoping to find a job that pays better. But then I think I may just stick this out until I get through college.. however, that could be a while and I don’t know if I can do the whole 12 hour shift, overnight thing for that long. Maybe I’ll try to find another factory that pays more? Who knows.

All I know now.. is that I have plans to do things. And nobody can stop me. I know I can do it and I will do it. I’m so excited that I’m finally getting things going.

Also.. there’s midget soccer here. That starts either in spring or summer. I want to get Zach into it. I’m not quite sure how, but I’m going to find out.. and hopefully I can get him in this summer. I think he’d do good, and have lots of fun. And I’d LOOOVE to watch his games! And as soon as fall comes along, I’m going to get him into HeadStart. In the years to come, I also plan on starting with t-ball and then regular baseball. He’s already athletic and enjoys sports.. so I want to start him as young as I can. Besides, *I* believe I have the smartest little boy in the world.

Upgrade Ya!!

Okay so first … the test is March 10th & 12th. My P.O. is okay with this. Thank god. All is well.

Yesterday my wonderful friend Sarah kept my son from 11 – 5 and I got 5 FULL HOURS OF SLEEP!!! It felt so good, and I needed it. I missed Zach so much, so I told him today we’re going to spend a day playing and watching tv together. It’s a “Mommy & Me” day today. So, of course, this won’t be long.

Tonight C is coming over. He came over the other night but we barely even got to talk … it was later, and I had to go pick up my mom (he watched Zach) and I came home, we watched a movie, and went to bed because he had to get up at 4:30. My poor guy. He’s so great. And I really am in deep with him. Loving it.

Can’t go back!!!

GED testing isn’t again until March 30th and 31st. My NC probation is over on Feb 2nd. She gave me til the end of Feb to get it. NOW what do I do. I don’t want to go back.

The phone.. The phone is ringing!

God I am beat.

So lately, things haven’t been so bad. I’m just ignoring the drama. (And it’s ALL around!) It’s just really not worth it. Ohhhh wow, you saw me arguing with the boss? And? That doesn’t mean it’s your business what happened. Haha, and the crazy lady said she thinks I go to work drunk. Shit, I wish I went to work drunk! It’d be more fun that way.

Zach is doing awesome with the potty training. Really. I’m soooo proud of him. He’s so smart and he’s sooo fuckin’ cute. And *I* am responsible for that!!! I love it.

Things with Dude are blossoming well. He’s in it for the long haul. Tomorrow night is just me and him and I can’t wait. I miss him. It’s crazy.. he still gives me butterflies. And I love it! I think I love him… Just don’t let him know.

So.. I haven’t had any sleep in over 24 hours now. And counting. About 29-30 now, actually. I’m going to bed soon. But anyhow.. today we took Kaitie to get her cast changed. She was awesome! She didn’t even cry. Then we stopped at Wendys for the kiddies. Then had to rush home. Yeah, that sucked. Got home around 3:15 (late!!) and then I had to run back down to the store b/c we didn’t get a chance to stop there and Sarah’s father had to be to work. Then it started snowing. Ruined my plans for tonight. I was looking forward to Siamsa!!! Dammit. I even got a new outfit. But we have to rescheduele. I can’t wait.

So I’m sorry this is choppy and not making sense. I’m tired.

ALSO.. The other day I was talking to Sarah about mudslide (the drink). And I told her “c’mon, get drunk! I like to get drunk.” … Zach says “I like drunk too, mommy.” and turns to Sarah and says “Sah, I drunk too.”

HAHAHAHAA!! Things NOT to say in front of a parrot.. I mean toddler.

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YAY FOR MY BABY!!!

Zach has been in big boy underwear ALL DAY LONG!! I’m SO PROUD OF HIM!! Woohooo!!! You go, little man!! God I LOVE MY SON!!

And I talked to Dude.. guess this might just really work out afterall!! Ahhh Falling falling falling.. Fallen. We’re in it for the long haul. Wish us luck!!

So fuck everyone else because I’m HAPPY! And no we didn’t break up today either. Hahahaaaaaa.

Oh yes, it IS all about me!

OKAY so to start. Zach is doing GREAT potty training! I’m so proud of him. I think he finally may have the hang of it! On Thursday we went out for a while wearing underwear.. and he only had one accident. Then yesterday we went in the car and to Sarah’s and to Mr. Z’s. He had an accident in Mr. Z’s but he did soooo good before! I need to get him more underwear. Hopefully.. this is the last bag of diapers I’ll have to buy!! Woohooo!! I am SO PROUD OF MY BABY!

Okay now second. As for my last post.. I’m just getting sick and tired of hearing my name. It’s getting ridiculous and it is childish. So just remember.. you don’t know me.

Now about THE DUDE… Last night he was here. I was so happy to see him. He was saying how nice it is to just be with me and how his heart is there and all this stuff. I was very deep in thought. I wanted to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want to mess up the words. I don’t know HOW to say things like that. Well I do.. but I’m scared I’ll be rejected. Even though I know I won’t. I know how he feels.. I guess I just don’t know how to come out and say these things. But I am falling for him.. very deeply. He already has me. He has my heart… he has all of me. I haven’t felt like this in so long.. and I’m scared shitless. I just hope it’s worth it. And so far.. I figure he’s here for the long run. And so am I.
Before.. he told me he’s falling for me, and his heart is there, but his brain is telling him to take it slow b/c he doesn’t know me completely yet.. but that he’s happy with me and just wasn’t expecting this at all but it’s great. I just never said anything back.. I’m scared! I want to say things back, but it just doesn’t come out.. or I don’t know how to say it. So I texted him… “Okay so here. Sorry I didn’t tell you last night. I wanted to.. So you say you’re falling for me, well I’m falling too. I have very strong feelings for you and I’m really loving it. And I haven’t felt like this in a while.. and I’m a lil scared but it’s worth it. I love being with you.. you always make me happy. That’s all for now!”
He said back “That’s what I’m talkin about! Very nice to finally hear.” Soooo now he knows I feel the same way. I’m glad I FINALLY said something.. haha.

So today I’m going to see Nevaeh. I got a new camera so I want to take some pics of her. Maybe I’ll even post some here. Fun fun! And then I have to pick up my mom from work. And then I’m pretty sure Zach and I are going to A’s house for a “play date & dinner” kinda thing.

My <heart3 already left.. and I miss him already. It’s just the greatest feeling.. being in his arms.

To me, you don’t exist.

If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Or maybe we just weren’t friends to begin with? Apparently, when shit comes up that has nothing to do with me and YOU INSERT MY NAME.. then I guess that would mean, no we are no longer friends.

You talk about highschool bullshit.. well, I’ve never dealt with so much shit at work until I met you, let me tell you.

And now you’re writing blogs about shit assuming it’s me? Go for it, keep doing it, I don’t care.

But when you bring my son into shit at work.. that’s just low. That’s some low-life shit, seriously.

And I REFUSE to deal with it.

Fired for Good Head!

REALLY!! Haha.

So at my job, they go through supervisors like crazy. Except for “Steve.” Steve has been there for years now. Steve is the “head” supervisor.. like, the leader one. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Apparently Steve has been having an affair (oh yes, married too!) with a worker. He got caught. He got fired. And THEN the girl has pictures on her cell phone of him and her.. and is emailing them to Steve’s wife. Haha.

Can you imagine how this would look on a resume?? I guess he really did lose his job for some good head! At least, I hope it was good.

Noodles

So it seems it doesn’t matter what I do.. tell the truth or lie. Either way, it pisses her off. I left work early last night.. boss was sending people home. I was talking to Dude on texting and he suggested I come over.. so I did. I stayed the night with him. It was nice being there without K being there and being able to watch tv without it being turned off to hear guitar playing. Seriously, was great. I love being with him. My mom got mad because I didn’t come home to Zach. Well he was sleeping so I don’t see a problem. She’s mad. I guess she’ll get over it.

On another note.. I have to pay $245 for my fines and costs. That’s crazy. I can do it though.. I have 4 more checks coming this month. I’m going to try to get it done asap though. I also have to get my GED. I wanted to get it for a while now, I just need to actually go about doing it.

So Sah has an idea about Valentines Day. She wants us (her and hubby, me and C) to get a villa for 2 nights. I have to talk to him about it.. and it has to be 2 nights I have off of work. Probably would end up being on a weekend. And maybe we could get sitters for one night, but then have the kids there for the other night. I’m not sure about all of it.. but it sounds like a pretty good idea. And her father gets a discount cause he works there.. so that works out for us.

Things with Tas aren’t going so bad. We’ve been getting along for the most part lately. That’s all for the better.

I’m not sure what I want to do. I have 3 options.
Option 1: Sah and me were supposed to get a place. And that does seem like a good idea, honestly. However, P may come along.. and I really don’t know how well that would go over. I don’t want to waste time having to defend myself, or my son, or get into stupid petty little fights.
Option number two is Anna. She asked me if I’d be interested in moving in with her… into a 4 bedroom (plus a loft) house.. with a hot tub. 900 a month. Not bad AT ALL. But I don’t know how we would be as roommates. And plus it’d be farther for C to come and go to work and all that. I’m trying to take him into consideration too.
Option 3: There are apartments in WH that are 2bedrooms for $550 a month. I could do that MYSELF. I could just get a car and Ashley said she’d babysit. This is the option I’m leaning more towards. I’m trying to pursuade Sah into this too.. we could be neighbors. It might be better for both of us to have our OWN places. And then I wouldn’t have to worry about arguing with anyone, or privacy with C. I can do as I please in my own place. I’m really, really thinking of going with this option.
I just hope not to piss anyone off. I don’t want to hurt feelings, don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I think it’s really all for the better if we all just have our own places.